Pocket Prophet of Profit

Item

The Pocket Prophet of Profit is a tarnished golden idol small enough to fit in your hand, though doing so comes with whispers of premonitions and market anomalies. Legends claim it was smuggled out during the final minutes of an infamous financial collapse, clutching secrets that could predict futures… or end them. Rumor has it that it was once owned by a Darth Dick, vice president from an imperial empire located in a far far far away galaxy.

Pocket Prophet of Profit

A whispering idol from the subprime depths. It glows faintly with insider congressional knowledge and financial dread.

Type: Utility
Category: 393
Effects: Reveals future market trends and causes minor existential dread.
Cooldown: 666 seconds.
Rarity: Legendary
Weight: 0.3
Stackable: No

Bonuses:

💰 Price: 9999 $KHash

Not on Steam Market Not on Exchange

Usage

Grants 7% profit boost during active trades
May induce ambient existential dread
Cooldown: 666 seconds

Acquisition

This item cannot be bought. It finds you, usually after strange dreams involving quarterly reports and a subway station with no exits.

Lore

“I asked it what to invest in. It laughed. Three weeks later, my hedge fund turned into a literal hedge.”

Credit

Originally forged beneath Wall Street in 2007 Q4 by The Black Vault Syndicate. Allegedly blessed by a former CFO turned lich. Art by KBVE Pixel Workshop.

Off-Market Acquisition

An elevator opens below sea level. No buttons.

DevLog

05/27/2025 – Deployed initial version of the Pocket Prophet of Profit